The Smash Show: Melee Fillers
by Unruly Scrawler
Summary: A collection of one-shots about Marth, Zelda, Roy, Link, Young Link and Pichu and their everyday lives at Smash Stadium. Some MarthxZelda.
1. Chapter 1: Marth

Hey guys! This is my third fanfic, and it's going to be a collection of one-shots about the characters listed in the description. Each chapter will have two one-shots centering around one of the characters. It's the same setting, same personalities, etc. as my other fanfics (namely Smash Show: Melee) but you don't really need to have read that fanfic to read this, though feel free to read it! Because that would make me _very_ happy! :) Also there might be a few references (but not enough to make you completely lost).

**Very important to read!: **You can skip this if you've read my other fanfic- it's just some info about the characters. First off, Marth and Roy are brothers, as are Link and Young Link. Marth and Roy have an apartment in the Temple District of Smash Stadium, like Zelda. Except they have to share a kitchen, which is in a separate building. Oh, and Mewtwo runs the clinic (against his own volition). Also (extremely important) Marth loves coffee. LOVES it. Like Link loves Zelda (to her irritation) and Young Link loves Marth (Marth's his idol).

I think that's it. I'll add more if I forgot something.

Anyways, Enjoy! First up is Marth!

**

* * *

**

**If Marth Weren't a Boy**

"You know Marth," Roy said one day at breakfast, "If you weren't a boy you'd be really hot."

Marth nearly dropped his coffee, "_Excuse _me?"

"Look at you." Roy insisted, waving his hands at Marth, "You'd make the perfect woman! Glossy dark hair, mysterious eyes, a bit of temper mixed with something foreign. Sure, you'd probably be flat chested, but I could maybe somewhat live with that probably."

Marth gaped at him, appalled, "Roy, we're _brothers_."

"Half-brothers." Roy corrected, then with a smirk, "And if you were a girl, we wouldn't be brothers at all."

"That's because I'd be your sister!" Marth almost shrieked, then quickly calming himself, "Never mind. I should stop being surprised when you say something stupid."

"Now," Roy went on, "If _I_ were a girl, I'd beat you ten to one, and I can guarantee you I wouldn't be flat-chested. Plus I'd be a redhead. Guys love redheads."

Marth slapped his forehead, "Can you please shut up? Or leave? That would probably be easier for you."

But Roy wasn't done, "Then again, Link would make some impressive competition- not to mention Young Link. Oh god." Roy's eyes widened, "Dumb blondes are bad enough, but a dumb loli-con blonde? I can't beat that."

Marth shook his head and sipped his coffee.

"Then there's Mewtwo and Captain Falcon and..." Roy shuddered, "Actually no, I'm not going there."

Marth shuddered too when the images came unsummoned to his mind. What was really horrific was the only thing that changed about Captain Falcon' was his body, and Mewtwo... what was the difference between male and female pokemon anyways?

Then again, he didn't want to know.

"I hate you." Marth snarled at Roy, feeling scarred for life as his mind started to pursue the pokemon question unbidden.

Roy, as per usual, ignored him, "I wonder what Zelda would look like as a boy."

"Sheik." Marth pointed out.

"Wow." Roy said, wide-eyed at Marth, "I never thought you'd compliment Zelda."

"That's not what I-" Marth began, then gave up. He refused to participate in this conversation.

But it continued anyway.

"I bet you two would go great together." Roy pointed out, "You being tiny and dark-haired and Zelda being strong and light-haired... You know I mean the tiny part as in your flat-chest, right?"

"Yes." Marth grumbled, "You've already mentioned that."

"Good." Roy said with an idle nod and went on, "It would be like in Snow White. Except your lips wouldn't be as red as blood, and the prince would have blonde hair, and... actually, there's not really that much in common, I mean, even Snow White must of had more of a chest than you."

"Not me." Marth reminded him curtly, "The female me that isn't real."

"Right." Roy replied with a nod, but Marth got the feeling his brother hadn't heard a word he'd just said, "Anyway, my point is you'd be like the helpless, tiny, useless, damsel in distress and Zelda would come storming in on a white stallion and siege the castle and rescue you from the dragon and it would be just like Snow White."

"No it wouldn't." Marth pointed out, suddenly cross, "Snow White fell asleep because of the poisoned apple that the witch tricked her into eating- it wasn't because she was stupid, by the way, she was very intelligent- and then the prince..."

"Hold on." Roy said, raising a hand, "She can't be intelligent if a witch was able to make her eat a poisoned apple."

"She didn't make her." Marth snapped, "She _tricked _her. And she was a very clever witch, who wore a disguise, and Snow White had no idea it was poisoned. And besides, she was having an off day." Marth scowled at his brother, "Can I go on now?"

"Sure." Roy said, then muttering into his cup, "If you're done making excuses..."

"That's it!" Marth exclaimed, slamming his hands on the table and making Roy jump, "Snow White wasn't a stupid, oblivious, flat-chested ditz. That's more like The Little Mermaid- who, by the way, was a redhead. Who sells their voice to someone who's obviously a witch- who didn't even bother to disguise it- all so she can walk around naked and mute on a beach looking for her prince who, for all she _really _knows, could be a dangerous serial killer who was actually on a prison barge being escorted out of the country for murdering the royal family? How does she know, huh? She's not all-knowing, she can't predict things, like what someone would look like if they were the opposite gender, or what their sizes would be!"

By the time Marth finished, he was on his feet, chair knocked down behind him, and panting hard while glowering at Roy. The redhead just blinked.

"Did I... offend you?" Roy asked slowly, unsure.

Marth threw up his hands and stomped out of the room.

Roy settled back into his chair, cast the door a wary glance, and shrugged. As long as Marth realized which one of them made the hotter girl, it didn't matter. And by his brother's reaction, he'd obviously realized it wasn't him.

**Marth is Sick**

Marth was highly, highly unamused.

In fact, the height of his unamusement was so high, it was almost higher than his fever.

"Give me the bottle." a very sick Marth snapped at Roy.

The brothers were in Marth's room. The blue-haired knight was in his bed, a glass of water on the table beside him, while Roy was a few feet away holding a bottle of advil.

"No way." Roy replied, "You're popping them like pills."

"They are pills." Marth countered.

"No, they're advil." Roy replied, showing him the label of the bottle. Marth made a grab for it but fell short as Roy held the bottle aloft, "You're addicted."

"I'm getting sick." Marth shot back angrily, "More so than I was before. You know why? Because you won't give me my medicine."

"No one prescribed you this!" Roy exclaimed, waving the bottle around.

"It's non-prescription." Marth snapped, to which Roy could not argue.

Instead the redheaded knight returned to his original point, "You're getting addicted!"

"I thought you said I already _was_addicted." Marth pointed out.

Roy frowned at this, "You have to get addicted to be addicted!"

Marth rolled his eyes.

It was at this moment Link, Young Link and Pichu burst into the room.

"Marth!" Young Link exclaimed, "Are you alright?"

"No." Marth said flatly, "I'm sick." then he had a thought, "Get that bottle from Roy. It's my medicine and the only way for me to get better."

"Don't even try." Roy warned when the younger boy looked at him, "He's addicted to these- every time I come in he's swallowing one."

"You've come in twice!" Marth exclaimed.

Everyone ignored him. "He must love them a lot." Link chuckled, "It's like Marth times Advil."

"Madvil?" Young Link asked, "Like Amuto?"

Everyone ignored the fact he'd made a Shugo Chara reference.

"Madvil." Pichu mused, "Mad Vil. Makes me think of Mad World."

"That's a good game." Roy put in. Pichu nodded her agreement.

"Would you all get out!" Marth shouted, "I've had enough of this! Either give me my pills or leave!"

For a moment, they did neither. Then they started filing out the door.

"You need help, Marth." Roy said sternly.

"Don't even..." Marth started to say 'think about it' when Roy shut the door. Slumping back in bed, Marth groaned.

Around a half hour later, as he'd expected, Zelda burst into his room.

"Now before I start 'taking care of you'." Zelda began, hands going from air quotes to her hips, "Let's get some things straight. First off, I won't be cooking for you. We won't have one of those scenes where the girl who everyone thinks is terrible at cooking makes something wonderful, the boy tastes it and says in surprise 'it's good!' and eats it all. Nor will we experience the other scene, where the food is shit and the boy is obviously disgusted, but hides his opinion and eats the food anyways and the girl gets emotional. Also, no way in hell am I dressing up as a nurse. We're not even going there. And lastly, I won't stay in here and watch over you while you're sleeping, sneaking loved filled glances at you and saying/thinking to myself 'he's actually cute when he sleeps'. None of what I listed will happen today nor any other day, understand?"

When Zelda finished, Marth gave her a bored look, then took a breath and began, "Ok, four things. One: if I ate something you cooked, I'd throw up. Two: if you cosplayed at all, I'd throw up. Three: if you watched me in my sleep, I'd throw up. And four: get me a bucket because I'm about to throw up."

Surprised, Zelda shot up and hurried into the hall, returning moments later with a bucket and handed it to Marth. The knight turned away with the bucket and started retching.

When he was done he wiped his mouth and handed the bucket to Zelda, who regarded it with disgust, "No way. I'm not touching it."

Marth scowled at her, "I puked in the bucket, not on it. And besides, 'cleaning up after the sick person' wasn't on your list of things you'd never do."

"I'm adding it to the list." Zelda said, curling her lip unhappily at the bucket.

"Too late." Marth replied, waving the object at her, "Hurry up, before the smell makes me want to puke again."

Gingerly, Zelda accepted the bucket. She sent Marth a final dirty look and left the room.

Marth called after her, "And bring me a wet face cloth!"

He heard a thumping that he assumed was her either informing him she'd heard and would follow his orders, or telling him where to go.

Either way, Marth leaned back and smiled.

When Zelda returned it was with a watery rag, which she promptly threw at Marth, who managed to catch it before it hit his face. He gave her a scowl and started wiping his mouth.

"Anything else?" Zelda growled.

"Advil." Marth said, "My head started hurting the moment you came through the door. I think it's a migraine."

"Oh ha ha." Zelda drawled, sitting in a chair by the door- as far away from Marth as she could get.

"I'm being serious." Marth said, not batting an eyelash.

Zelda rolled her eyes at him, "Roy said not to give you any."

Marth scowled at her, "Since when do you listen to Roy?"

"Since when do I listen to you?" Zelda countered as she pulled herself out of the chair, "Look, if you're about to throw up, I'll get you a bucket. I'm not here to be ordered around."

And with that Zelda left the room, calling over her shoulder, "Shout if you're about to throw up."

Marth rolled his eyes. He was _not _addicted. He'd had two advil earlier that morning and that was it. Why was everyone being so thick-headed?

Then he thought about the 'everyone' he meant, and realized the question was pointless. It was like asking why his hair was blue. He didn't know why. It just was. All the time.

So Marth sat back and began formulating a plan to get Zelda to give up the advil. It didn't take him long.

If he irritated her enough, she was bound to give it to him. So Marth did the only thing Zelda said she would reply to: called out saying he would be sick.

She hurried in with a bucket, which he accepted, stared at, then passed back to her.

"False alarm." he said apologetically.

Zelda scowled.

Marth had five more false alarms, at least ten minutes apart. On the sixth call, Zelda threw the bucket at his head.

"_What _do you want from me?" Zelda shrieked, seething at Marth.

"Advil." he replied immediately.

Zelda threw up her hands with a huff and stomped out of the room, slamming the door shut behind her.

Marth's next plan came around a half hour after that, when he realized Zelda wasn't going to respond to his calls again anytime soon.

He knew there was some double advil left in the bathroom. If he could get there without Zelda noticing, he should be able to take one before getting caught.

So Marth slowly slunk out of bed and across his room. He listened at the door, but didn't hear anything, so he opened it and slipped into the hall.

He arrived at the bathroom and was just reaching for the doorknob when a fireball came out of nowhere and blasted it right off it's hinges.

At first, Marth could only gawk. Then he turned to the end of the hall.

Zelda was standing there, lowering her arm, looking bored, "Really Marth, I'm not deaf."

Marth glowered at her and lied: "I had to use the bathroom!"

"There's plenty of bushes outside." Zelda replied.

Marth fumed, "I'm sick!"

"Oh. Right. In that case." Zelda walked over to stand beside him and promptly kicked the door down, "There you go."

Marth found himself staring again, then, "You're paying for that."

"I believe not." Zelda said, stepping over the door and opening one of the sink cabinets. Marth's heart sank when she withdrew the bottle of advil.

She regarded the bottle a minute, then shrugged and uncorked the top, muttering, "I really prefer the liquid ones." and proceeded to empty the whole bottle into her mouth.

Marth felt like his jaw could hit the floor. If he was a pill popper, Zelda was a hardcore junkie.

"What?" Zelda demanded, scowling at his expression, "All the racket you were making gave me a splitting headache."

Marth was quiet a moment, then, "You were the one who broke down the door!"

Zelda shrugged, turned to walk away, and tipped over. She fell against the wall and proceeded to slide down until she was in a heap on the floor- out cold.

Marth stared at her a moment then, muttering and scowling to himself, started to drag her into the living room.

Once there he managed to lift her onto the couch. She was still breathing- sleeping, actually. Looked really peaceful- serene almost. He'd never seen Zelda like this before, so quiet and cu-

Marth snapped to attention, all but leaping away from the couch. He gave the sleeping Zelda a withering glare and stormed to his bedroom.

"_I won't stay in here and watch over you while you're sleeping, sneaking loved filled glances at you and saying/thinking to myself 'he's actually cute when he sleeps'"_

Marth slapped his forehead. The world just wasn't fair.

Back in his room, Marth managed to sleep for two hours. When he woke up, he was feeling surprisingly better. Venturing into the living room, he found Zelda was still asleep on the couch. Except something looked off.

She was sweating, he realized, and frowning in a very troubled way. A bad dream?

She sneezed.

Marth blinked, then scowled.

She'd caught his cold.

**-(space)-**

When Zelda woke up, it was to a wonderful aroma coming from the dining room (seeing as there was no real kitchen in the Temple District apartments). Pushing herself up, Zelda sneezed (again, but she didn't know it was an 'again'). She put a hand against her forehead. It was sticky and hot.

Damn it. She'd caught Marth's cold.

"Marth!" Zelda yelled, "Get the hell out here and take your cold back!"

She heard footsteps coming from the dining room. A minute later, Marth was in front of her, holding a tray, not looking very pleased.

"Here." he said, shoving the tray at her.

Zelda blinked at the tray, then at Marth, "What is this?"

"Soup." Marth said, "You know, the standard sick person meal. I was feeling better so I made you some."

Zelda gave him a measuring look then picked up the spoon and had a mouthful. Her eyes widened, "This is... _good_."

Marth's eyebrow twitched, "You know I can cook. Don't look so mystified."

Zelda rolled her eyes, "Just playing the part."

Marth scowled, "Don't."

Zelda lifted an eyebrow at him, then, slyly, "You weren't watching me in my sleep, where you?"

Marth flushed, "No! Why would I do that?"

Zelda chuckled to herself and took another spoonful of soup. "So," she said after swallowing that, "When are you going to put on the outfit?"

Marth quirked an eyebrow, "What outfit?"

Zelda grinned, "The nurse outfit."

Marth was frozen for a moment, then he said, "Go to hell." spun on his heels and marched down the hall. A minute later, she heard his bedroom door slam shut.

Zelda chuckled to herself.

She lifted the spoon again, only to stop. Something was poking her in the leg, she realized. Reaching under the couch cushions, she fished around a moment then her hands wrapped around a metallic object and she pulled it out.

Glasses. Reading glasses.

Zelda smiled mischievously, stuck the glasses into her pocket, and returned to the soup. It really _was _good.

* * *

So those are the first two. Let me know what you think. If you don't get the glasses reference, that has to do with my other fanfic, in which (spoilerish) Zelda finds out Marth has reading glasses and is exetremely amused. On to the next chapter!


	2. Chapter 2: Pichu

Next up is Pichu!

**Warning: **Some sixth gen. and Buneary bashing. (would that really turn anyone off?)

Enjoy!

**

* * *

Citrine- Pichu's remake of Yellow**

"Hey Pichu, watchya doing?" Young Link asked.

It was a fine afternoon at Smash Stadium. Pichu was sitting outside, enjoying the sun as she scribbled in a thick yellow binder.

Pichu slanted her eyes towards Young Link, not appreciating the interruption, "I'm working. Very important work. Now go away."

"Ok." Young Link said with a shrug and turned around.

"No! Wait!" Pichu called out, "I changed my mind!"

Shrugging again, Young Link returned to Pichu and sat next to the pokemon, cross-legged.

"What's that?" Young Link asked, pointing at one of Pichu's doodles.

"It's not a doodle!" Pichu snapped at Young Link, who recoiled in surprise, "It's a map." she went on in a calmer tone, "Of Pellet Town- your hometown."

"My hometown?" Young Link asked, gesturing to himself with a frown, "I thought it was Kokori Forest..."

"Kokori? Is that a type of rice?" Pichu asked, then shook her head, "Never mind. I don't mean _you _you. I mean the general, pokemon you." Pichu flicked back a few pages and pointed, "This one."

It was a picture of a sprite with jagged yellow hair, dressed in gold and yellow, with ultraballs on his belt.

"See." Pichu said, jabbing at the sprite, "That's you. You can name him whatever you want, but his real name- the one that's gonna be in all the fanfictions and on the show and stuff- is Citrine."

Young Link scrunched up his nose, "Like an orange?"

"No, that's citrus." Pichu said, "I mean citrine. Like the stone, citrine."

Young Link yanked idly at his hair, "Never heard of it."

Pichu made a show of rolling her eyes, then flipped to the back of her binder and presented Young Link with several printed off pictures.

"Oh!" Young Link exclaimed, widening his eyes, "It's really pretty! So that orange stone is citrine?"

Pichu, who had been nodding smugly in agreement, suddenly froze. Young Link continued to innocently scan the sheets, murmuring, "I wonder if Marth likes orange..."

"It's not orange!" Pichu shrieked, startling Young Link into dropping the sheets. She snatched one up and waved it inches from his face, "It's yellow! See? _Yellow_!"

Young Link squinted at it, then shook his head, "I'm seeing orange. Maybe a bit of brown too, but that could just be the shadows. I wonder if Marth likes _brown_..."

Pichu kicked him in the shin, eliciting a yelp from Young Link, and dropped back down in front of her binder, glowering at nothing.

"Yellow." she muttered, "It's yellow."

Young Link rubbed his shin and tried to settle his quivering lip. For a soft, pudgy pokemon, Pichu kicked hard.

That's when Marth and Roy walked by.

"Hey guys, what's up?" Roy asked, walking over- all smiles.

"Young Link." Marth growled, walking over- all frowns.

Young Link forgot his shin and whirled around to beam at Marth, "Yes? What is it Marth? I'll do anything!"

"Don't sit like that." Marth said, gesturing to Young Link's cross-legged position, "You're a boy. Wearing a tunic. Without tights."

Young Link gawked at Marth, then pulled his knees up to his chest. Marth slapped his forehead. The boy wasn't getting it at all, "Not that way either."

Young Link blinked again, then shifted so he had his knees under him. Marth turned to Pichu, "Why did you let him sit like that?"

"Why not?" Pichu countered, "There's nothing to see."

Marth opened his mouth to argue, then remembered this was _Young Link_, and shut it again. Pichu had a point.

"What's all this?" Roy asked, spotting Pichu's papers. He sat down beside her and reached for the binder. Pichu swatted his hand away.

"Sorry, Roy." Pichu said, "No can do."

Roy raised an eyebrow, but didn't go for the binder again, "So what is it?"

Pichu glanced at the three guys then let out a sigh, "I suppose I can tell you- but you have to keep it a secret. Can't let the competitors get wind of this."

"No problem." Roy said, speaking for the group, "We won't tell anyway. Promise."

Pichu stared at him hard for a moment. Judging him sincere, she turned back to the binder and began going through the pages, "It's my latest project. I'm creating a new pokemon game- a new_ best-selling_ pokemon game. People are gonna kill for this baby."

Roy raised an eyebrow, while Marth searched for a good place to nap and Young Link fiddled with his slingshot, "Why's it going to be so good?"

Pichu gaped at him, "You seriously doubt me?"

Roy shook his head, "Of course not. I'm sure it'll be flying off the shelves. I'm just wondering what it's about."

"Well then." Pichu said, cleared her throat, and pointed to the first page, "You'll start out your pokemon journey as Citrine, in Pellet Town. You'll go to Prof. Poak's lab, where you'll get your starter pokemon- a pichu. Then you start your pokemon journey, defeating gym leaders and catching pokemon. Eventually you'll make it to Sephiroth City where you have to beat Team Pocket. That part's really climatic."

Roy nodded as if he was following, "I see..."

"But," Pichu continued- on a role, "There's a catch. If you get rid of your starter- try to release them, store them in the PC, etc- then your game corrupts. As in, if your starter is ever not in your party, then..." here, Pichu brought her paws together in a clap, then opened her arms wide and released a burst of electricity that made all three of the guys jump, "_Boom_! That's the end of _your _pokemon journey, sucker!" Pichu let a maniacal laugh that slowly faded off. The she added: "It also happens if you shun your starter. If one of your other pokemon is ever a higher level than your starter then..."

This time when Pichu brought her hands together, Roy reached out to stop her from continuing, "We get the idea."

Pichu slowly lowered her arms, nodding as if she was sure they wouldn't understand unless she made another electric explosion.

"So," Roy said, "It's going to be called...?"

"Citrine." Pichu filled in.

Roy nodded, "Right, citrine. Good name."

Pichu beamed.

"Look at this, Marth!" Young Link exclaimed, waving the printed off sheets at the irritated knight, "This is citrine right here! The orange stone! Do you like orange?"

"_It's not orange!_" Pichu roared, silencing both Young Link's squealing and the response Marth wasn't going to make. "_It's yellow_!"

"Oh!" Roy said, a lightbulb going off in his head, "So it's like a remake of Yellow!"

"_It has nothing to do with Yellow!_" Pichu shrieked, "It's an entirely original game!_ I_ created it! _Me! _And it's better- way better! It's not like Yellow _at all!_"

"They both have electric mice for starters." Marth muttered.

Pichu swivelled her head to give him a blazing glare, "Maybe. But one is far better than the other."

"You mean Pika-" Young Link started to ask, wondering if he was right in assuming who the better one was, but he never finished his question. Pichu had snapped up the thick binder and swung it so hard at his face the force sent them both toppling over, in opposite directions.

"Ow!" Young Link exclaimed, clutching his nose.

Shaking herself, Pichu leapt to her feet and retrieved her binder. "Nosepass." she spat at Young Link- the worst name she could think to call him.

Well maybe not the worst. But she'd never call anyone by that name- the "B" name. Not even Young Link deserved that.

Pichu shuddered.

"So..." Roy drawled, trying to think of a way to calm Pichu down, "So... what legendary is in the game?"

Pichu blinked at him, "Legendary?"

Roy nodded, "You know: Zaptos, Luigia, Ho-oh."

"No matter what you want, Roy," Pichu hissed, "There will be no hoes in Citrine."

Roy ran a hand through his hair, "That wasn't quite what I meant..."

"Then what did you mean?" Pichu demanded.

"I meant," Roy replied, "Legendary pokemon. You really don't understand? Mew? Mewtwo?"

Marth blanched, "Don't say that name."

Realizing what he'd said, Roy whitened as well, "Shit."

"I don't know that Legendary..." Young Link murmured thoughtfully.

Pichu stuffed her yellow binder under her arm, "If that's it, I'm off."

"So there's really no legendary in your game?" Roy asked, suddenly desperate to know the answer. A pokemon game without a legendary, it was like... it was like Smash Stadium without Roy!

"Of course there is." Pichu said simply over her shoulder, "Pichu."

And with that, the little yellow pokemon walked away.

Everyone was silent a moment, then Young Link turned to Marth, "So what about brown?"

**What Generation are You?**

Pichu attended a prestigious pokemon pre-school for electric mice. Today, they had to make a list of their friends and write sentences describing them.

"How's yours going Pichu?" another pichu asked her. This pichu wasn't wearing a green backpack- any backpack at all actually- and was thus both insignificant and unimportant.

Still, Pichu's mother had been trying for ages to get her to interact with other pokemon the way she did with her human/elf friends, so Pichu decided to humour her classmate.

But glancing at her list, Pichu found she didn't have much to tell. It read:

_Young Link: Has the attention span of a ferret._

_Marth: Considers his coffee machine more sentient than his brother._

_Roy: Still laughs at the word 'Uranus'._

Of course she still had to put down Zelda, but she wasn't sure how to describe the princess. In a becoming way, at least. And she was kind of drawing a blank on Link, which was ironic because that's what he was doing _all _the time.

Still, Pichu wasn't happy. She wanted something to show for her friends, to let others see their true worth.

That's when the eleventh Pokemon Theme Song came on the radio their teacher had left on, and it hit her. Well, first she yelled, "Can someone turn that crap off?", then she got sent to the corner, and _then _it hit her.

She'd get her friends to take a 'What pokemon generation are you?' quiz. It was the perfect way to show their true worth.

After pre-school Pichu returned to Smash Stadium, where the first person she ran into was Roy.

"Roy! Roy!" Pichu exclaimed, pushing past a group of fan girls. Roy wasn't amused. Girls rarely every showed up at Smash Stadium, and it didn't help that these particular fan girls were for Luigi. He was a cowardly, midget plumber for god's sake!

Pichu was oblivious to all of this (not that she knew half of it) in her excitement. She passed Roy a sheet of paper and a pencil. "Fill this out!" she demanded. Sparks were flying off her in her eagerness.

In no mood to get himself or any ladies electrocuted, Roy said, "Sure, if you calm down and promise to go away after I'm done."

Pichu nodded like a bobble-head and bounced on her feet as Roy filled in the sheet. He paused several times, chewing on the end of his pencil skeptically. At one point, his brows knotted together.

"What kind of question is: 'How stupid are you on a scale from one to six, six being the stupidest?'"

Pichu frowned at him, "A kind that makes perfect sense and has six possible answers. Pick one! Now, now, now!"

"Ok." Roy muttered, circling C. He didn't want to say he was stupid, but he didn't want to say he was a genius either. 3 was good. It put him at modest. Girls liked modest.

"Here." Roy said, handing Pichu back the sheet, "Now scat, please."

Pichu was already gone- having dashed off the moment she'd gotten the sheet. But unfortunately, Roy realized, the fan girls were gone too.

Muttering under his breath, Roy resigned himself to another month of male-bonding.

**-(space)-**

The next ones Pichu found were Marth and Zelda. They were together, and from a distance it looked like they were on a date in Smash Stadium's park, sitting close as they were on a bench under a group of trees. Very picturesque, romantic.

Up close, it was very different.

They were shouting at each other, and Marth seemed to be red-faced about something while Zelda looked smug. The knight was also trying to grab a small package from the princess, which she was holding out of his reach.

"Hey guys!" Pichu exclaimed, surprising both of them.

Marth recovered first and made another swipe for the package, but Zelda was quick to react and held it away again.

"Damn it Zelda!" Marth snapped, "Give them back!"

Zelda wagged a finger at him, "How rude. Pichu's trying to talk to us."

"_I'm _rude-"

"Yes, actually." Zelda interjected, waving the package back and forth to draw his attention, "And to think I was willing to bargain."

"Blackmail more like..."

Pichu cleared her throat. The pair glanced at her.

"Can you guys fill these out?" Pichu asked, not waiting for a reply and handing them their sheets and pencils, "It's for, um, school."

Marh filled his out, repeatedly glancing at Zelda to see if she'd forgotten the package, but she hadn't. She filled in the sheet with one hand and held the package aloft with the other.

"Here." they both said at nearly the same time, then glared at each other as Pichu collected the sheets.

"Thanks!" Pichu beamed, giving her cutest expression as a reward. They were too busy with their glaring match to notice. Pichu sobered up and stalked away. Ingrates.

**-(space)-**

Pichu found Link in the bushes just across from Marth and Zelda's bench, glowering through a pair of binoculars.

"What is that demon up to..." Link muttered to himself.

"Link!" Pichu shouted. The elf dropped his binoculars and jumped. A moment later, he was clutching a hand to his heart, wide-eyes on Pichu.

"Fill this out." she said, shoving a sheet at him, "Or I'll tell Marth you're spying on him and Zelda."

Link narrowed his eyes, "I'm not afraid of that cretin! That villain! That devil! I was just preparing to fight him, _actually_. I'd strike him down a hundred- nay, a thousand times to save my beloved prin-"

"I'll tell Zelda too." Pichu added.

Link blanched and snatched the sheet from Pichu, "My, this _does _look interesting!"

Pichu smiled maliciously and sat back on her haunches while Link filled out the quiz.

**-(space)-**

She found Young Link in the bushes behind Marth and Zelda's bench, pouting through a pair of binoculars.

"What is that she-demon up to..." Young Link muttered to himself.

"Young Link!" Pichu shouted. The elf dropped his binoculars and jumped. A moment later, he was clutching a hand to his heart, wide-eyes on Pichu.

"Fill this out." she said, shoving a sheet at him, "Or I'll tell Zelda you're spying on her and Marth."

Luckily, this was as far as the repetition got, because even though stupidity had been proven to run in Young Link's family, both he and his brother were smart enough to recognize Zelda for the potentially fatal hazard she was.

Young Link accepted the sheet and lay on his belly in the grass, kicking and crossing his feet behind him as he tapped the pencil against the quiz thoughtfully.

Pichu took a nap.

When she was done it was dark and Young Link had finally finished the quiz. Grumbling a 'thank you' to her friend, Pichu returned home to work on her list.

To say the least Pichu was surprised- and a bit sceptical about her results.

But going over everyone's answers, she had to agree they fit. For the most part.

She rubbed out Link's A for the intelligence question and replaced it with an F. In the long run, it didn't change much.

The next day, after pre-school, Pichu found everyone at Marth and Roy's house (to Marth's displeasure). She presented her list to them. It read:

_Pichu's Friends_

_Zelda: 1st Gen._

_Marth: 1st Gen._

_Roy: 2nd Gen._

_Link: 3rd Gen._

"Where am I?" Young Link asked, flipping the paper over in search of his name.

Pichu made a point of turning away from him and speaking to Roy, "Can you please tell the green-hatted individual behind me that I have disowned him and wish no more interaction with such an unsavoury being such as himself?"

Young Link had no clue what she meant. Neither did Roy.

Marth did. He sighed, "What did he do this time?"

Young Link's eyes widened, "I did something wrong?"

"Would someone please tell the green-hatted individual," Pichu said, "that he did not _do _something wrong, but simply _is _something wrong and I can no longer associate with him."

Young Link wrinkled his nose in an effort to make his brain stretch beyond it's normal capacity, "I'm something wrong? What am I?"

"_You're a sixth generation pokemon!" _Pichu finally screeched, whirling on him, "You...! You... _Buneary_!"

Having used the worst name she knew, Pichu turned on her heels and bounded from the room. She couldn't stand being in the presence of a sixth gen. any longer.

Young Link frowned after Pichu, confused.

"Buneary..." Link mumbled, mulling the word over, "Is that some kind of infectious disease?"

Young Link paled, "I have an infectious disease?"

"No." Link corrected, "You _are _an infectious disease."

Young Link started to cry. "What should I do, Marth!" he wailed.

Marth, who had decided this could benefit him and his alone time, went along and suggested, "Go to Mewtwo. He'll quarantine you."

Though Young Link didn't know what that word meant, he ran to Mewtwo, who promptly sealed him in the clinic.

Upon hearing what had happened to Young Link, it's reported Pichu said: "They should quarantine all sixth gen. pokemon."

And nobody disagreed.

* * *

And there goes another chapter! Fairly pokemon oriented, but Pichu _is_ a pokemon. A pokemon with a grudge against the higher generations. So what did you guys think? Let me know and I'll update as soon as I can! Also I'm thinking of actually making the 'What gen. are you?' quiz. Anyone interested?


	3. Chapter 3: Young Link

Hey guys! Here's the next chapter! Sorry it took awhile, I'm kind of having writer's block on one-shot ideas for everyone. I will get this done though! Eventually!

Also, a note on the last chapter: I know I wrote that Young Link was a six gen. pokemon, and I also know there isn't (as of yet) a sixth gen. But it's coming. We all know it is. And we should all be prepared. If any of you have played/bought/glanced at black or white, you know that this is the end of all hope for pokemon. Everyone has the right to their own opinion on this, of course, but come on, a fire pig? A sumo fire pig? I always pick the fire starter, but I'm not getting black or white, and if I did, I wouldn't get the fire sumo pig. And the ice cream one! Oh god...

Sorry about the ranting! I'm done! Enjoy!

**

* * *

**

Young Love

"Hey Marth! _Marth_!"

Marth groaned and covered his head. Maybe if he stayed really still...

Young Link bounced into Marth and Roy's apartment, using the key he'd borrowed from Pichu, which had been lent by Zelda, who had 'borrowed' it from the brothers themselves.

Marth made perhaps the fiftieth mental note to get the damn key back. But it kept switching owners. One minute he thought Pichu had it, the next it was back with Zelda! Then Link had it, then Young Link...

Marth gritted his teeth. This time he wouldn't let the key get away.

Young Link appeared moments later in their dining room. The boy beamed when he spotted Marth at the table.

"Marth-" he began in a very exited tone.

"The key." Marth said.

Young Link gave him a blank look, "What key?"

Marth scowled at him, "The one to my apartment."

That was another thing, after Roy had been stupid enough to lend the spare key to Zelda, the apartment had officially become Marth's and only Marth's. Roy was an unwanted freeloader.

Except Marth and only Marth had this opinion.

"I want it back." Marth finished, giving Young Link a pointed look.

"Ok!" the boy exclaimed, "But first, answer my question! Please?"

Marth rolled his eyes, figuring it would be something like 'What colour are you wearing tomorrow?' "Fine. What?"

"How do you get a girl to like you?"

Marth blanked.

Young Link watched him expectantly.

Marth searched for something to say. In the end, all that came to his mind was: "Shit."

"I've tried that already." Young Link said; then, "Oh wait, do you mean the legendary pokemon kind, or the other..."

"No!" Marth snapped, then after calming himself, "Why do you want to know that?"

Young Link blinked at him, "Because I heard there are two kinds of shit and I wasn't sure which-"

"_No_!" Marth interrupted again, "I _meant_; why do you want to know how to get a girl to like you?"

"Oh!" Young Link said brightly, then he blushed, "N-no reason."

Marth couldn't believe it. Young Link liked someone.

And not just any someone. A girl.

"A girl?" Roy asked, slipping through the front door, "Is she hot?"

Marth rolled his eyes. Young Link stared at the red-head.

"No," the boy mumbled, brows scrunched in puzzlement, "I think she's room temperature."

Roy laughed, "Good one-"

"He's not kidding." Marth said.

Roy widened his eyes, "Are you sure-"

"He's _not _kidding." Marth repeated.

"I'm not." Young Link put in, "She really is room-temperature. Unless she's outside..."

Roy ran a hand through his hair and sat down opposite Marth, "Oh man, that's a problem..."

"I guess so." Young Link speculated, not realizing Roy meant the boy's intelligence level. "But only if it's really cold or really warm out and it's not like we're going to... going to..."

With every 'going to' Young Link repeated, his face grew redder. He repeated quite a few. Broken-record syndrom.

"Going to have-" Roy started to fill in, when he was interrupted

"He wasn't going to say that." Marth snapped, giving his brother a dark look.

"What?" Roy demanded, "I was only going to say: 'have a kiss'."

"Who says that? 'Have a kiss'?" Marth glowered at his brother, "Besides, your mind isn't that innocent."

"_Your _mind isn't that innocent." Roy countered, "You jumped to conclusions as to what I was going to say!"

"And I was right." Marth pointed out, then, "And I only know what you were going to say because I'm around you too much."

Roy grinned, "That's 'cuz you're my bro and you secretly love me."

Marth snorted, "That's because our parents won't rent out two apartments, so I'm forced to share mine with you."

Roy blinked, "Yours?"

It was the first Roy had heard of the 'Strictly Marth's Apartment' claus.

"...Going to hold hands!" Young Link finally finished, having been repeating the unfinished phrase up till this point. Now that he'd finally finished, Young Link let out a puff of air and slumped into his own chair, between Marth and Roy.

The brothers shared a look.

Roy was the first to speak, grinning slyly at the boy, "So you like someone?"

Young Link shot up in his seat, "No!"

Roy's grin held. He sat back and crossed his arms, waving a finger at Young Link, "Come on, no need to lie to your big brother Roy."

"Big brother?" Young Link demanded, then brightly: "Does that make Marth my big brother too?"

"No." Marth said, "I've disowned Roy."

This was the first Roy had heard of his disownment as well.

Not that it was real. Marth had tried many times, but his parents were always in the way. When they die, Marth kept telling himself. When they die I'll do it.

It helped him get through each day.

"Anyways," Roy pressed, trying to progress the conversation, "Like I was saying, you can tell me the truth."

"Because you're big brother Roy?" Young Link verified.

"Yep."

"You know," Young Link said, tapping his chin in thought, "I'd probably still lie to you. Link's my big brother, and I lie to him all the time. Like this one time he asked me how his hat looked and I said 'good'. That was a lie."

"You wear the same hat." Marth pointed out.

Young Link clutched his head, "Na-ah! My hat's better! Plus, how can I wear the same hat if Link's wearing his _right now!_"

Marth sighed and reached for his coffee. Then he realized he hadn't made a cup since he'd gotten up.

Marth got up an hour ago, by the way.

"I gotta go." Marth said, standing.

Young Link started to wail, "But you said you'd answer-"

"Roy will be my fill in." Marth interrupted, "Until I get back."

Young Link continued to shout until Marth slammed the door. Then he turned around to face Roy, slump back in his chair, cross his arms, pout, and glare.

It wasn't a pretty look.

Roy tried a reassuring grin, but the kid didn't take the bait. Roy scratched the back of his head. He wasn't good with children- wasn't good _alone _with children. And Marth had left him here, to answer a question.

He didn't even know the question.

"Wait!" Roy exclaimed, not realizing he was speaking out loud, "That's a good place to start!"

Young Link dropped his irate composure to stare.

"What's the question?" Roy demanded, "What did you ask Marth?"

Young Link flushed, "H- how to get a girl t-to..."

Before the boy could finish, Roy was nodding knowingly, "Oh, so you want to know _that_. Well..."

By the time Marth got back, Young Link was traumatised.

"Oh god." Marth whispered when he saw Young Link- white as a sheet and curled up on the floor. Marth's eyes skipped to Roy, who was looking smug and still talking.

"Shut up." Marth snapped, and Roy promptly did, "What did you _say _to him?"

Roy blinked innocently at Marth, "I answered his question."

Marth looked from Roy to Young Link and was pretty sure his brother had given the boy answers to questions he didn't even know about yet.

"Great..." Marth grumbled, and walked over to Young Link. He tried kicking the boy, to no avail, "Hey, Young Link." Marth said, "I'll let you borrow my black tunic."

The boy twitched a couple of times, but no more.

Marth sighed irritably and shot Roy daggers.

"You owe me for this." he snarled.

Roy was in the middle of asking: "Owe you for what?" when Marth poured his steaming coffee on Young Link's face.

Young Link jumped to his feet, clutching his face. He screamed for a solid two minutes, while Marth stared moodily at his empty cup.

When Young Link fell quiet, Marth asked, "What did Roy tell you?"

Young Link blinked at him, "Tell me? Nothing yet. I was just in the middle of asking him how to get a girl to like me."

"Oh!" Roy said, "So that was the question!"

Young Link stared at the redhead.

Marth set his coffee cup on the table and ran a hand through his hair, "I guess it was worth it, if you can't remember..."

Young Link grinned at him, "Sure Marth, whatever you're talking about! Oh, and can you get me your black tunic now?"

Marth glared at the boy. Young Link didn't waver. Finally, grumbling something about 'darn kids picking and choosing what they want to remember' Marth disappeared down the hall.

"You sound like an old man!" Roy called after him. Marth gave him a rude gesture that, luckily, because Marth didn't want to waste another cup of coffee, Young Link didn't see.

"So," Roy started, turning to the boy, "You want to know how to make a girl like you?"

Young Link, blushing, nodded and stared at his feet.

"Well," Roy said with a smirk, "You've come to the right guy."

"Marth?" Young Link asked, looking up.

Roy scowled, "No. Me."

"Oh." Young Link said, then: "But I didn't come to you..."

Roy held up a hand for silence, "Do you want me to answer your question or not?"

Young Link was sitting beside Roy in seconds, staring with eager eyes up at the redhead, "Yes please!"

When Marth returned with his black tunic, he didn't find Young Link on the floor. Instead the boy was sitting as close to Roy as possible, nodding avidly.

"So I just tell her how I feel?" Young Link exclaimed.

Roy nodded and ruffled Young Link's hair, "Go get'em tiger."

"_You _sound like an old man." Marth pointed out.

Roy glanced up at him and grinned, "An irresistible old man."

Marth scowled, "Now you just sound like a pervert."

Young Link, meanwhile, had jumped off his chair, "Bye Marth!" he said, "Thanks for the advice!"

"Hold up." Marth said, quickly stuffing his tunic behind his back so Young Link wouldn't remember. "The key?"

Young Link blinked at him, "What key?"

Marth's left eyebrow twitched, "The one to my apartment that you said you'd give back if I answered your question."

"Oh!" Young Link said, eyes filling with recognition, "I don't have it anymore!"

"What?" Marth started, "When- How-"

"Bye Marth!" Young Link called, slamming the door.

Marth cursed.

"Well," Roy drawled, "_You _didn't answer his question, did you? So in the end it's fair."

"You didn't answer his question either." Marth snapped, "He asked: 'How do you get a girl to like you?' not 'How do you let a girl know you like her?'"

Roy shrugged, "So? What's the difference?"

"The difference," Marth growled, "Is if the girl hates him right now, she's just going to turn him down and make him cry, dumbass."

As the realization sunk in, Roy flushed in embarrassment, "Oops."

"Yeah, oops." Marth snarled.

Roy frowned at his brother, "I never thought you'd worry about Young Link's feelings."

"I don't." Marth snapped, "I'm worried about him coming back _here _and having his meltdown."

**-(space)-**

Young Link found the Ice Climbers in the practise arena. He waited until they finished training, then approached them shyly.

"Hey Young Link!" Nana greeted happily, "How are you doing?"

"Good." Young Link mumbled, blushing. His hands felt sweaty, clutching the letter behind his back.

In the end, he'd written out his confession, like in the dozens of shoujo mangas hidden under Link's bed. (Ok, so they weren't _all _Link's, but Young Link would never admit to that.)

Swallowing the nervous lump in his throat, Young Link thrust the letter forward.

"Is this for me?" Nana asked.

Young Link glared at her, "No, rotten hag. It's for Popo."

Nana stared at him. Popo blinked in surprise.

"Me-" Popo had just begun to ask, when Pichu waddled over.

"Hey guys, what's up?" she asked.

No one replied. Pichu didn't notice. She was busy rummaging through her back-pack.

"So," Pichu started, drawing out a camera and turning to the Ice Climbers, "Are you guys ready for the pictures for the best couple contest?"

"Sure." Nana said, "Just let us-"

"_Couple_?" Young Link shrilled. "You guys are _lesbians_?"

They stared at him. Pichu was scowling, having grown both used to and tired of such statements.

"No." Nana finally said, looking almost as unamused as Pichu now.

Young Link stared at Nana, "So you're a _guy_?"

Nana glared at him and snapped, "No! I'm a girl!"

Young Link turned his horrified stare to Popo now, "So that means you're..."

"A guy." Popo filled in with a frown.

And just like that, Young Link lost his first love.

And Marth also lost a pretty good couch in the tantrum that followed.

**The Colour Purple**

Young Link swung his feet over the edge of the turtle in the Great Bay district, where he and Link lived. They didn't spend much time here though- only when Zelda banished them to the district and away from her and (in Young Link's case) Marth.

Young Link was down today because, of course, of Marth.

He just didn't understand. Marth was his idol, his champion, his number one. His _god_. So why wouldn't Marth talk to him? Or hug him back? Or just listen to him? Wasn't that what gods were there for -to listen- even if they ignored everything else?

Nothing worked, even when he disguised himself. Which he had done, numerous times, to try and win Marth's affection. But Marth always saw through his acts.

Young Link puffed out his chest with pride. That was his Marth: all-seeing. No one could trick him. Not even Young Link.

With that, the boy deflated again. Right. Not being able to trick him was the problem.

So, as any normal moping boy in a tunic without tights would do, he did his laundry.

Young Link admired his tunics as he put them in the wash. Here was his red one- like Marth's red armour. Here was his blue one- like Marth's blue armour. Here was his green one, and white one and his (because it was Marth's favourite) black one.

He had the perfect collection; any colour Marth wore, Young Link could match it.

And so, swelling with pride yet again, Young Link marched off to pursue Marth, leaving his clothes in the wash, unattended.

He got back later that day, having had no luck in locating Marth, to find his clothes still swirling round and round in the whirlpool where he had left them.

One by one, Young Link pulled them out. He left them to dry on the deck outside his room and climbed into bed. It was late after all, and very, very dark.

Not that he needed to see. He knew the colour of every tunic by heart.

**-(space)-**

Young Link woke up groggily the next morning. He always set his alarm to get him up a good two hours before Marth- giving him plenty of time to dress, reach Temple District, and hide out somewhere Marth would pass by.

Things were going normally this morning. Young Link dragged himself out of bed, washed and dressed, and was on his way to scavenge for some food, when he heard his brother laughing.

Young Link looked around and found Link perched on the higher level of the wharf, clutching his stomach while jabbing a finger at Young Link and howling.

"What?" Young Link demanded.

"You look ridiculous!" Link choked out.

It was then that Young Link looked at himself. Following this was a screech, and more laughter from Link.

Young Link was dressed head to toe in purple.

Flying back to his room, Young Link ran onto his deck and saw- in horror- that all his clothes had been dyed purple.

Now this was around the time that it dawned on Young Link- which was surprising because something that took a normal person to deduct in five minutes usually took Young Link two days- that the reason all his clothes were purple was because he'd accidentally put one of his disguises in the wash with them. His Zelda disguise.

Not that it had worked. Marth had just run from him. Or maybe that meant the disguise had worked _too _well...

Either way, the dress had somehow dyed all his clothes- even the black- purple. Marth didn't wear purple. Blue, black, red, green- even white when everything else wasn't clean. But not purple.

Young Link's first impuls (as it always was for something bad) was to crumple down and cry. But there wasn't time for that. Marth would be awake in less than two hours. He had to move fast and make things right.

So he called Pichu.

Now as happy as the pokemon was about being woken up so early, she still dragged herself down to Great Bay, grumbling and cursing words that Young Link thought were from a pokemon language, but were actually perfect English.

"What?" Pichu demanded, a word Young Link understood very well. Unfortunately, he didn't understand the irked tone that accompanied it or the storm cloud over Pichu's head.

"My clothes!" Young Link exclaimed, "Something terrible happened to them!"

Pichu blinked. Hard. She stared at Young Link, then covered her eyes and fell on her back, shrieking.

"_Why the hell aren't you wearing clothes?_"

"I couldn't!" Young Link insisted, "It was too embarrassing!"

"More embarrassing than _this_?" Pichu shrilled, waving a hand at Young Link while keeping her other arm over her eyes, "No one wants to see you naked!"

"I'm wearing underwear." Young Link said, planting his hands on his hips and scowling.

"If anything," Pichu grumbled, "That makes it worse. How long has it been since you _washed _those?"

Young Link opened his mouth to answer.

Pichu held up a paw, "Look, just go get dressed. Then I'll help you with whatever you interrupted my rest for."

A second later, Pichu was laughing.

Young Link thought it was because of his purple clothes, but then he realized he hadn't even left to go change yet. Pichu was laughing at herself.

"That was a good one!" the little yellow pokemon exclaimed, wiping tears from her eyes, "Get it? You interrupted my _rest_? _Rest_! I'm a genius!"

Young Link left to get changed without a word.

Pichu glowered after him, "No one appreciates my puns."

When Young Link reappeared wrapped in a blanket with patterns of Marth's face on it, Pichu was speechless.

Well, not quite.

"What the hell is that?" she demanded, eyeing one of Marth's faces. She stepped to the left. She stepped to the right. Then she shuddered.

The eyes. They followed her everywhere.

"My limited edition Marth cover set!" Young Link exclaimed happily.

Pichu gagged, then got to thinking. A Marth cover set, hm? She wondered how _that _would sell to the loyal fans...

Having come to a decision, Pichu nodded to herself. If it ended up a bust, she could just sell all the left over cover sets to Young Link for twice their selling price.

"Ok," Pichu said, "So what's the problem?"

"My clothes!" Young Link wailed, "They're all dyed purple!"

Pichu cocked a non-existent eyebrow, "How'd you manage that?"

Young Link thought back to the Zelda disguise. Young Link decided to ignore the question.

"You've gotta help me!" he sobbed, "Marth doesn't wear purple! He hates purple!"

"You can't be sure he hates it..." Pichu pointed out.

Young Link whirled on her with fiery eyes, "I know Marth better _than anyone!_"

Pichu took a step back and offered an uneasy grin, "_Ok_. So we just have to get you another tunic?"

Young Link beamed and nodded. Pichu plopped down and extracted her laptop from her green backpack.

"You guys have wireless?"

"Uh-huh." Young Link said, sitting down beside her, "There's no wires here at all!"

Pichu gave him a sceptical look. Luckily, all of Smash Stadium's grounds had wireless, and Pichu had long since snuck into Master Hand's office to get the code, when Mewtwo was filling in, of course. No one in their right mind would break into Master Hand's office while he was anywhere near the building.

A few minutes later, Pichu closed her laptop.

"Ok," she said, "I've ordered your tunics- same colours you had before." she held out a paw, "That'll be two hundred rupees."

Young Link gawked at her.

"Per tunic." she added.

Young Link's jaw hit the floor, "I don't have that kind of money!"

Pichu shrugged, "I'll cancel the order then."

"No, no, no!" Young Link shouted hurriedly, "I'll find the money! I promise!"

Pichu gave him a considering look, then shrugged, "Ok. I want it by Monday."

Young Link sighed in relief. Then he frowned, "Why did they cost so much anyways?"

"Because I had to order them off a fan site." Pichu told him, "It's not like anyone else makes tunics like yours."

"Oh." Young Link said, not understanding.

Pichu got up and jumped on the turtle's back, "I'll see you later."

"What?" Young Link leapt to his feet, "Where are you going? What about my tunics?"

"You'll get them." Pichu said, "In five days."

"_Five days?_" Young Link shrieked.

Pichu nodded, "And don't forget to pay me back. Monday."

Young Link nodded numbly.

"Today's Friday, by the way." Pichu pointed out, just to be helpful.

Young Link blanched, then he opened his mouth to ask something.

Pichu, knowing his question, replied, "Yes, I mean this Monday coming. The one three days from now."

Young Link's knees started to wobble. They'd soon given way and he was crippled on the wharf's floor, eyes shimmering.

"What am I going to do?" he whispered from between trembling lips, "Marth'll be up in an hour and I... I only have... purple."

Pichu rolled her eyes. Turning around, she waddled back and came to a stop in front of Young Link, "Look, I have an idea. A temporary solution. Just don't cry, and pay an extra five hundred rupees."

"Ok!" Young Link exclaimed, leaping to his feet, then: "Wait... did you just say five hundred-"

Pichu quickly interjected, "So here's the plan..."

**-(space)-**

Marth woke up an hour later, right on time. He pulled himself out of bed and slogged to the bathroom. Brushing his teeth, he glared groggily at his image in the mirror- which Roy always kept in mint condition. When he was finished there, Marth returned to his bedroom, where he started to dress.

He entered the living room five minutes later. The moment he stepped out of the hall and Roy glanced up from the couch, his brother started laughing.

"What?" Marth snarled, glaring at the redhead.

"You..." Roy started, then fell over clutching his stomach, "You look ridiculous!"

Marth blinked lazily at his brother, then down at himself.

Everything- his tunic, armour, the works- was purple.

Marth blinked again, surprised now. Then he shrugged and unsheathed his sword.

In all honesty, he liked purple. It was one of his favourite colours. But Roy wouldn't let him live this down- neither would any of the others, for that matter. So it was best that they never found out.

Marth advanced on his oblivious brother and raised the flat of his sword over Roy's head.

**-(space)-**

Meanwhile, Young Link was trying to explode a little, pale, pinkish rock in the hopes of finding rupees inside. It's what he'd been taught: money grew inside rocks.

He was just about to place the bomb when the rock said: "Buyo!"

Young Link shrieked and fainted, bomb still in hand.

Kirby returned to normal with a _poof_, looked at Young Link, shrugged, and walked away.

* * *

Well there you go! Sorry if they were confusing at any point, especially the first one. I was either really tired or in a hurry when I wrote that- I can't remember, but there's my excuse! Thanks for reading, _please_ review, and I'll update as soon as I have the next one-shots written!


	4. Chapter 4: Link

So I'm finally updating! Sorry it took so long, but I'm kind of suffering from a writer's block with my fanfiction projects, which is probably evident in this. Not my best work, but hey, it's a chapter. I might come back to it later, but I'm rather lazy. It's Link anyways, not that important. :P

So that's pretty much it. Really long. Sorry if that's a bad thing?

Either way, enjoy!

* * *

**Link Tells a Story**

Link hated children. He wasn't sure why. He just did. They were whiney little brats that gave him condescending looks and snickered at him even though he was twice their height and carried a weapon. He would have taught them a lesson if it wasn't illegal to beat up children- and if the children he tended to be around weren't massively powerful.

For instance, today he was baby-sitting the children of Smash Stadium. Why? Because Zelda had asked him to of course.

"Link," she'd asked politely in a voice overflowing with love, "Watch the kids."

"Of course my princess!" Link had exclaimed, "But may I ask why?"

"No, you can't." Zelda had replied- again her words swelling with care, "Just stay here with them and make sure Young Link doesn't try to stick his sword down his throat again."

And so here he was with the children, thinking about the adorable little tykes he and Zelda would one day produce.

"Link." Pichu said, snapping the Hyrulian out of his thoughts, "I'm bored. Can we leave yet?"

They were in the viewing room of Smash Stadium, where one could usually watch matches. Today the screens portraying the matches were blank.

"No." Link said, "Not until Zelda gets back."

Pichu scowled at him.

"Why?" Young Link whined, in the midst of sticking his boomerang down his throat.

It wasn't his sword, so Link didn't say anything.

"_I_ heard," Ness broke in, staring straight at Young Link, "That there's a murderer on the lose that likes to bash in it's victim's head with a hammer while shouting out random numbers."

Young Link blanched and accidentally dropped his boomerang down his throat.

"Nah, that's not right," Pichu said, flapping a hand at Ness, "I heard that he likes to cook you up in a giant frying pan until you've turned to mush, then put your liquified guts and flesh in a bucket and carry it around as a souvenir."

Young Link started choking on the boomerang. One of the Ice Climbers began to cry, while her/his partner tried to comfort him/her. (Link wasn't sure of the genders, seeing as one was dressed in purple and one was dressed in pink (bracket inside the bracket: Link was mildly colour blind, and thus didn't realize Popo was actually wearing blue)).

"Ok!" Link broke in, hurrying to silence both Ness and Pichu who seemed happy to continue comparing murderer rumours, "Why don't I tell you guys a story?"

"It's not about the murderer, is it?" the purple (blue) Ice Climber sniffled.

"Of course not." Link replied cheerfully, "This story will be fictional!"

The Ice Climber started crying again, while Young Link flailed his arms wildly, making atrocious gurgling sounds.

Link wasn't sure what he'd said wrong, but hurried to reassure them, "Never mind! I'll tell you a non-fiction story! How does that sound?"

The Ice Climber continued to bawl. Young Link toppled over. Pichu and Ness started sharing their murderer tales again.

"Once upon a time!" Link shouted, earning the attention of everyone except Young Link, who was still clutching at his throat.

"I'm trying to start the story!" Link yelled at his brother, slamming him angrily in the back with the flat off his sword.

Young Link spit up something long and wooden. Link recoiled at the sight of it (having already forgotten his brother's earlier antics) and wondered, with shifty eyes at Young Link, if the boy had changed his diet to that of wood, and if he should be watching out for missing chunks of the Great Bay wharf.

"So," Link went on, turning back to the group, "Once upon a time there was this handsome hero dressed in green who set out to-"

"Oh! Oh! I know!" Young Link exclaimed, waving his hand excitedly, having already recovered, "It's Marth on a Tuesday, isn't it?"

"Why a Tuesday?" Pichu asked, frowning.

"Because," Young Link replied logically, "He only wears green on Tuesdays and every second Thursday."

"Oh." Pichu said flatly, then with a shrug, "It doesn't matter. You're wrong anyways. Marth isn't the hero."

"Thank you," Link said, "Now as I was-"

"I'm obviously the hero." Pichu stated smugly, turning around to show off her _green _backpack.

"Don't be silly." Young Link argued, frowning at his friend, "Girl's can't be handsome. Just like boys can't be pretty."

"Really?" Pichu snorted, "Because out of the two I'd be more inclined to call _you _pretty."

Young Link blushed, "Th-thank you!"

Pichu rolled her eyes.

"Ok!" Link interjected, "Getting on with the story now- with the male, blonde lead dressed all in green, in case you're wondering."

Young Link gasped, "It's me?"

"No!" Link snapped, "He's handsome, remember? Plus he's tall, charming, sophisticated and intelligent."

"Oh..." Young Link said, crestfallen, "I don't know anyone like that..."

"I guess it really is fictional." Pichu supplied.

"Grah!" Link started tearing at his hair, "Would you two shut up? It doesn't matter if you know who the hero is or not- not that it should be that hard to tell!"

"So we do know who the hero's supposed to be?" Young Link exclaimed, then got to thinking, "Isn't Marth... Can't be Roy... Mewtwo...?"

"Oh, that's a good one." Pichu said, and to Link's utter disbelief she was being completely serious, "I never would have seen that possibility. Though he's more likely to be the evil step-mother."

Young Link blinked at her, surprised, "There's an evil step mother?"

"No!" Link yelled, jabbing a finger at himself in an effort to get his brother's attention, "There's no evil step mother! And Mewtwo isn't the hero! What about the hero's description sounded anything like Mewtwo?"

Young Link considered the question, "Tall... intelligent... charming..."

Pichu snorted, "Never mind, I see the yanma in the ointment now."

"Enough!" Link roared, slamming his sword in between his brother and the pokemon, "I'm trying to tell a story!"

"Get on with it then." Pich grumbled, sitting back on her haunches, "I'm bored stiff. Can we leave yet?"

"NO!" Link shouted, "NOW I'M STARTING THE STORY!"

"I hope it's a romance comedy." Young Link murmured to himself, sitting cross-legged.

"Nah." Pichu said, "Link doesn't have the brains to do comedy, or the tact to do romance. It'll probably be a retelling of something simple . A fairytale, maybe."

"I _hate _fairies." Young Link remarked, "They never shut up."

"ONCE UPON A TIME!" Link roared, jumping in the middle of the group, "THERE WAS A BRAVE AND STRONG NOBLE HERO!"

"Three new traits..." Pichu mumbled, reaching in her backpack for a notebook, "Better write this down..."

"Wasn't it just two traits?" Young Link asked.

Pichu shook her head, "Brave, strong and noble."

"But I thought he said 'brave and strong noble'." Young Link observed, "Like a brave and strong noble person, who's also a hero."

"No." Pichu said, crossing her arms in an 'x', "Wrong."

Young Link pouted, "Why?"

"Because," Pichu explained, "Even if he meant that, there would still be three new traits. 'Brave', 'strong' and 'nobility'. But in this case Link meant the hero is brave, strong and noble. He just left out an 'and'."

"Ah." Young Link observed, nodding as if he understood.

"Ok!" Link snapped, "Is that _everything_?"

"Yep." Pichu said, beaming at him. Link turned his seething glare to his brother, who was in the midst of trying to bend his boomerang in half.

Link let out a long, weary sigh, and finally began.

"Once upon a time, there was a hero who was many things. Basically, he was the best." (Here Pichu opened her mouth to speak and Link held up a hand,) "But that's not included in his traits, even though it's one hundred percent true. So anyways, the hero, being awesome like he was," (here Young Link made to speak and Link waved his sword at him) "Was called upon by the king of the country where the hero lived, Lowrule."

"Never heard of that place..." Young Link mumbled to himself.

Link went on: "The king beseeched the hero to save his daughter, the princess of Lowrule and the future queen, who had been kidnapped by an evil demon who had cast a spell on her. The hero valiantly agreed and set off on a long and treacherous journey-"

"How can you valiantly agree?" Pichu broke in, "Do you mean it was valiant of him to agree, or he agreed in a valiant way..."

Link gritted his teeth, "Both."

"...because the second meaning's just stupid." Pichu finished, then glancing at Link, "Did you say something?"

Link took a breath and ignored the pokemon, "So the hero journeyed all the way to the demon's lair, where he had to fight off legions of horrible (but weak) minions of every shape and size. Most were tiny, wearing green clothing and objects, and had yellow fur and hair and were noisy and obnoxious."

"Sure would suck to be a demon." Pichu muttered under her breath. Young Link nodded in agreement.

Link continued, "The hero finally got through the army of minions and made it to the demon's castle-"

"I thought it was a lair." Young Link idly broke in.

"It _is _a lair." Pichu pointed out, "A lair can be anything from a castle to a cave to the top of a mountain."

Young Link curled his lip in distaste, "Who'd want a lair on the top of a snow-peaked mountain?"

One of the Ice Climbers (the pink one) banged Young Link on the head with it's hammer, then whirled to face Pichu.

The pokemon held up her hands, "I did _not _specify the weather on the top of the mountain. In my mind, it was as green as Link's atrocious hat."

The Ice Climber seemed content enough with this and put it's hammer away.

"_Anyways_," Link stressed, "The hero got to the castle, and after fighting off the vain, red-headed mid-boss, retrieved the item needed to reach the demon; a coffee machine."

Link paused. Pichu and Young Link only stared at him innocently.

Link sighed again and went on, "So the hero reached the demon's room and found the bewitched princess inside. But before he could rescue her the demon showed up. He was an ugly, bad-tempered, angry, deformed, dark-haired beast in mortal form..."

"Oh my god!" Young Link screeched, leaping to his feet and pointing at Link, "That one's _you_, isn't it?"

Link could only stare at his little brother, but when he looked at Pichu, he found she was gawking at him, as if to say 'you kept this critical fact from us all along long?'

"_Of course it's not me!" _Link roared at both of them, pulling at a clump of his hair, "Does this look dark to you?"

Young Link blanched and backed away from his brother, "I thought maybe you dyed it..."

"_Argh_!" Link threw up his hands, "You two are the thickest beings I have ever met!"

"But Link," Young Link mumbled, "What about y-"

"You can't meet yourself." Pichu snapped at the boy, "Idiot."

"Oh." Young Link stated, surprised, then thoughtful, "I guess you can't..."

"I'M FINISHING THE STORY NOW!" Link declared, "The great, blonde, green-hatted hero defeated the demon and saved the princess, who fell into a deep, undying love with him immediately- a love so strong it broke the curse the demon had placed on her- and then they went back to Lowrule and got married and he became king and had sixteen kids (in counting; they're still at it) and everyone adored him and he and the princess were soul-mates and the demon DIED!"

When Link finally finished, he let out a long breath and fell sprawling with exhaustion on the floor.

By the time he picked himself up, he found the children five feet away, playing a violent and gory rated M shooter game and not paying any attention to him at all.

Link was pretty sure he screamed.

And that's when the doors flew open and a black blob darted across the room, and came to land on the table in between Link and the children.

Young Link shrieked.

Link leapt to his feet and drew his sword, but found himself pausing.

The thing on the table looked like a short, round 2D man.

It suddenly crouched down and said in a high-pitched voice, although it's mouth didn't move: "Flat on the table!"

Young Link fainted.

That's when Zelda, Marth, Roy, Mewtwo and a few other Smashers ran into the room.

"There he is!" Roy exclaimed, spotting the figure who was still crouched flat on the table.

Mewtwo brandished a finger at the thing and yelled: "DETENTION!"

Zelda snorted, "This isn't a highschool, and you aren't in charge right now." saying this, she brushed past Mewtwo and walked over to the figure.

"Flat on the table." it said again.

"That's great." Zelda replied dryly, "But tell you what, Mr. Game and Watch, why don't you go with Mewtwo to get registered as a new Smasher and then you can sit on as many tables as you like."

"Flat on the table." it replied.

"I'll take that as a yes." Zelda grumbled, then turning to a seething Mewtwo, "He's all yours."

Mewtwo floated to Mr. Game and Watch. When he passed Zelda, he hissed: "Next time Master Hand leaves and I'm left as substitute, I'll see your too busy cleaning erasers for your sass."

Zelda didn't look worried.

Meanwhile, Young Link was conscious.

"Marth! Marth!" he exclaimed, running to the suddenly irate knight, "Link was telling a story about you!"

This didn't appear to better Marth's mood in the least.

"I wasn't!" Link snapped, "At least- you weren't the main character!"

Young Link widened his eyes at Link, realization dawning, "Then that means... Marth was the princess?"

Link slapped his forehead.

"Hey Zelda?" Pichu said, tugging at the princess's dress, "Can I go now? I'm so bored."

"Sure." Zelda replied flippantly, "Thanks for baby-sitting."

"No problem." Pichu replied, readjusting her backpack as she waddled away, "Just don't make me do it again. Kid was a terror."

"Baby-sitting?" Link asked, scowling, "I thought _I _was baby-sitting."

"Oh." Zelda said, "Yeah, that's right. _You _were baby-sitting while we tracked down Mr. Game and Watch." she patted him on the shoulder before walking away, "Good job Link."

Link beamed.

Behind him, Marth snickered.

Link whirled around, "Shut up demon!"

Marth raised an eyebrow.

"Eighteen, by the way!" Link snapped, "It's eighteen now! It was just going to be one, but you made them twins and- oh, look at that! Another one! Triplets!"

Having said his piece, Link turned on his heels and stomped away. That would teach the demon to mess with him.

It was on the walk home that Link realized that though he'd finished the plot of the story, he hadn't finished the entire story.

Link stood still and, holding his hands before him in a ceremonial manner, said: "The En-"

And that was when a sausage hit him in the forehead and he fainted.

Mr. Game and Watch toddled over to see what was going on. Finding Link unconscious, he quickly put away his frying pan and flattened himself on the ground.

"Flat on the floor."

**The Weak Link**

It was a typical morning for Link. Get up, get dressed, get food. Go to the Temple District, track down Marth, kill Marth.

Except he never managed to complete that last one.

But today, Link was sure, would be today.

Link was waiting behind a tree on the path to the kitchen, sword drawn. Marth always came this way in the morning. He was _so _predictable.

Right on cue, Marth rounded the corner and started down the path, scowling. Except Link was starting the think Marth never scowled- rather, that was just how his face looked. Ugly and pissed at the world.

It made sense, Link thought. Anyone would be permanently angry if they looked like that, and couldn't get a girl unless they put her under a spell.

Link was positive of this. Marth was using some kind of magic on _his_- _Link's_- beautiful princess. She was doing her best to fight back, of course, but it was clearly a spell too strong for even Zelda to handle. So Link had taken it upon himself to save her.

That was his job, after all. Had been since he first dawned his green hat.

And so Link leapt from behind the tree, landing directly in Marth's path, and brandished his sword.

"Your time has finally come, Marth!" Link shouted, "Release my princess from your treacherous spell or you shall meet your end on this very land!"

Marth rubbed some sleep from his eyes, "I'm not feeling up to it this morning. Can you just go away for once?"

"Nay! I shall never leave my love to peril!" Link declared, then swung his sword at Marth, "You have decided then! Sealed your own fate! Do not begrudge me when you gasp your last breaths under the wrong side of my blade! You have naught but your own impudence to blame! To think you could bewitch my princess and live unscathed?" Link started laughing, "You are a foolish creature if ever I saw one!"

Marth rubbed his temples, "For a guy that only grunts in video games you sure never shut up."

"Trying to distract me, demon?" Link roared, "It shan't work! Prepare yourself!"

Link raised his sword and charged.

"I think I have a migraine." Marth muttered to himself.

Link brought his sword down on Marth's head. Except it didn't quite land where it was supposed to. Instead, it buried into the dirt where Marth had been standing.

Link's eyes searched feverishly for the demon, only to find him a short distance away, yawning.

"Blast." Link growled to himself, "He must be teleporting!"

Marth gave Link a pointed look and spoke as an owner would to their hyper dog, "I'm going to start walking again. _Don't _follow me. Stay here."

"You're mind control won't work on me!" Link yelled after Marth as the knight walked away, "I am immune to your lowly witchery! I am invincible in the face of your petty tricks! I am..."

Link continued on like this for a good while. By the time he finished, he realized Marth was gone.

"Damn it! He alluded me again!" Link exclaimed, slamming his fist into his palm in frustration.

Soon, Link was smiling again.

Tomorrow, he told himself. Tomorrow he would finally vanquish the demon.

Except tomorrow came, and this time Young Link came too. Link attributed his failing to his brother's appearance, of course. Young Link had arrived and jumped on Link's back, shrieking at him to leave 'his Marth' alone. It had happened at the worst possible moment too, just when Link was maybe probably about to almost definitely plunge his sword through Marth's heart. Perhaps.

And so his plans were foiled once more.

By the third day, Link was in a slump.

Was this really all the hero of legend had to offer? He couldn't even assassinate a lowly demon. How could he ever hope to protect Zelda from real danger?

That was when Link decided; he had to train. Train for his princess, until he was strong enough to vanquish all the evils in the world (well, at least all the evils that approached Zelda).

And then he would kill Marth.

But first he had to find someone who was willing to teach him, and there weren't many people like _that _in Smash Stadium.

So Link decided to try Roy.

The next morning, Link waited in the trees outside Marth and Roy's apartment until the former left, then he snuck forward and knocked on the door.

"Hey Link." Roy said, looking surprised to see the elf as he opened the door, "Something I can do for you? Because Marth just left if you're looking for him."

"I know." Link replied, "I was watching. And no, I was actually looking for you. I was wondering if you could teach me how to fight."

Roy was taken aback (and not just because of Link's stalker like activity), "Me? Teach you? But why? You can already fight."

Link stared at his feet, scuffing his shoe on the step and mumbled, "I want to get stronger so I can kill Marth..."

"Oh." Roy said, then as his eyes widened in realization, "_Oh_."

"So," Link pressed, suddenly eager, "Will you teach me?"

Link gave Roy his best puppy eyed look. If Link had been paying attention to Roy's reaction, he would have seen the knight gag.

"I guess it couldn't hurt." Roy said with a shrug, "When do you want to start?"

"Now!" Link excitedly exclaimed and grabbed Roy's arm, "Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!"

Roy pried Link's hand off, chuckling, "Enthusiastic, aren't you? Just a sec, I have to grab my sword."

Roy disappeared inside. A few minutes later, he reappeared, looking sheepish.

"Sorry Link," he said, "I won't be able to help you. Something came up."

Link's shoulders drooped in disappointment, "What was it?"

Roy scratched the back of his head, "This girl I was chatting with online texted me. She wants to meet up and, well, I can't say 'no' to the ladies. You understand, right?"

Link understood. He never said 'no' to Zelda.

Not that she'd ever actually asked him anything. He couldn't remember the last time she'd put a question mark at the end of one of her orders.

But at the moment, Link chose not to think about that.

"Sorry." Roy said again.

Link waved off the apology, "That's fine. What's her name?"

"Spikeyshelly52." Roy replied with a dreamy smile.

Link gave him a disbelieving look, "So you don't know her real name?"

"Nope." Roy said chipperly, "But that doesn't really matter in the long run. She doesn't know mine either."

"Ok." Link said, not really caring anymore. His mind was back on finding a teacher, "Well good luck on your date."

"Don't need it." Roy winked, "Good luck on killing my brother."

Link wished he could say he didn't need it too. Instead he just sighed and left the redhead to his date preparations.

Next, Link went to Mewtwo.

He was kind of scared of Mewtwo to be perfectly honest, but desperate times called for desperate measures.

And boy was Link desperate.

Or at least he had to be, when he entered the clinic to find Mewtwo in the middle of doing pilates with his jigglypuff secretaries. The purple pokemon was wearing a violet headband and screaming at the two smaller pink pokemon.

"Higher!" Mewtwo roared, "Raise that leg higher! Ninety degree angles only ladies! We aren't accepting any forty-five degrees here!"

Link almost fainted from terror.

That was when Mewtwo spotted him. The pokemon stopped in the middle of his current exercise to float over to Link, glaring the whole time.

"What do you want, vermin?" Mewtwo demanded, "I'm busy."

"S-sorry." Link stammered, scratching the back of his head, "I just-"

"Keep it up!" Mewtwo suddenly yelled at the jigglypuffs, "Don't slack off! Work it!"

Link wanted to run.

"So?" Mewtwo whirled back on Link, his gaze full of purple fire.

Link cleared his throat, "I was wondering if you could help me train? I want to get stronger so I can kill Marth."

"Stronger, you say..." Mewtwo considered this a moment, stroking his chin. A minute or so later, he let his arms drop and fixed his intense gaze on Link, "Alright, puny mortal. I'll take it upon myself to get you an A in strength! You'll be the top of your class when I'm done with you!"

Before Link could question the school references, Mewtwo had stuck a green headband on him.

"Ready?" the purple pokemon asked, his eyes twinkling dangerously.

Link gulped.

The next three hours Link spent in the clinic doing pilates were the closest he had ever come to a living hell. He really didn't know how the jigglypuff secretaries survived. At one point, he thought one of them had fainted, but even in her unconscious state she continued the exercise to a perfect T.

It was only when someone was carried into the clinic groaning that Mewtwo stopped the workout and whipped out his doctor's coat.

When the sweat and tears blurring Link's vision finally dried, he realized the new occupant in one of the hospital beds was his little brother. He also spotted Pichu, standing beside the bed, looking ticked. When the yellow pokemon spotted Link, she waddled over.

"What happened this time?" Link panted, still catching his breath.

"He was trying to light one of his arrows on fire," Pichu explained, "But accidentally lit his sleeve instead."

"Oh." Link said, unsurprised.

The two were quiet a moment after that, then Link got an idea.

"Pichu!" he exclaimed, "Will you help me train so I can get good enough at fighting to kill Marth?"

Pichu stared at him dully a moment, then she shrugged, "Sure."

Link was delighted.

Well, delighted until Pichu took out a calculator from her backpack and started punching in numbers. A moment later, she looked up at him and said, "That'll cost five hundred rupees."

Link ground his teeth together. He didn't have the larger pouch yet, so that would eat up a good deal of his savings. But still, if he could kill Marth it would be worth it...

"Per hour." Pichu added, then with a snort, "And trust me, it's gonna take a lot of hours judging by what I have to work with."

Link's jaw dropped. Not from the insult. From the negative sign he was seeing in front of his savings.

"I can't afford that!" Link finally exclaimed.

Pichu shrugged again, "Sorry, but I can't make exceptions. Not even for family of friends. Plus I wouldn't anyways. I don't like you all that much."

Link continued to gawk.

A few minutes later, Mewtwo floated over, wiping his bloody hands off on his jacket, "Alright, he should be fine now. I've stopped the bleeding around the heart, though it turned out he had an infection in one of his lungs, so I had to take that out while I was at it."

"Ok," Pichu said, "Thanks doc. Did you treat the burns?"

Mewtwo was quiet a moment, then his face contorted into a nettled look, "I knew I was forgetting something!"

"That's alright." Pichu said, flapping a hand, "They weren't that bad anyways- didn't even really need to be treated. I just brought him here so you could drug him and shut him up."

Mewtwo nodded, "Very reasonable of you. Well, if that's it..." the pokemon tore off his doctor's coat and snapped on his headband, "Back to pilates!"

The jigglypuff secretaries started crying.

While Mewtwo was shouting at them to pull it together- they'd never be pilate masters if they acted like that!- Link took his chance and escaped, tossing his headband to Pichu who seemed eager to join in the exercise.

Link kept running until he'd reached the training room. Hiding behind a punching bag, Link sat down and started gulping air. He felt bad for leaving the jigglypuffs behind but he'd had to. He couldn't have escaped if they were weighing him down.

Link clutched a hand over his heart, feeling sentimental. He'd make it up to them- honour their sacrifice. He'd even name the first child he and Zelda had after them. Well, maybe not the first, the second perhaps... or the third... or whichever was the least likely to succeed in life...

It was then that the punching bag swung forward and hit Link hard in the back. The elf toppled over and the next thing he knew he was blinking at the punching bag and a figure beside it upside down.

"Are you ok?" the figure asked.

Link blinked again, too stunned to answer, and concentrated on righting himself. Once he was on his feet, he turned back to the stranger, adjusting his hat.

"Sorry." the person said, "I didn't know someone was behind the punching bag."

Link had never seen this guy around the stadium before. A new Smasher, perhaps? He was dressed up kind of like a ninja, with a long blonde braid and red eyes.

Wait... this guy had hit the punching bag?

Link stared at him. It had been a powerful blow, and the punching bag was heavy. This guy had to be really, really strong.

Link fell to his knees in front of the guy and clasped his hands together, "Teach me!" he begged, "Please teach me to be as strong as you!"

The guy stared at him, startled, "Teach you?"

"Yes!" Link wailed, scooting forward on his knees, "Please! Oh please teach me!"

"Um..." the guy pulled at his bangs awkwardly, "I guess I could... But why do you want to get stronger?"

"To protect my princess!" Link exclaimed, "And- mainly- to kill someone!"

The guy raised an eyebrow, "Who do you want to kill?"

Link glared at the image in his mind, "You probably don't know him, but he's a horrible demon/sorcerer who's really grotesque and ugly. His name is Marth. I want to kill him."

The stranger considered this, "So if I taught you, you'd go and kill this 'Marth' guy?"

Link nodded quickly, "Yes! Immediately!"

The guy thought a moment more, then, "Ok, why not? Ready to start now?"

Link leapt to his feet, "I was born ready!"

And so Link trained with this 'mystery ninja guy' for the rest of the day. They started with simple punches and kicks, and then worked on to some more complicated martial arts.

"Technically," the guy said at one point, "This should take weeks or months to learn, but I'm shortening everything since you want to learn as soon as possible."

And Link did learn. By the end of the day, his muscles were sore and he was exhausted, but he was also smiling.

"Thank you!" Link said, bowing to the mystery ninja guy.

"No problem." his teacher replied, "Good luck killing that guy. No need to be quick about it."

Link nodded, "Right! I'll draw it out and make it super painful!"

His teacher slapped him on the back, "That a boy. I've taught you well!"

Link blushed and scratched the back of his head.

"Well," the ninja said, "I'll see you around."

"Wait!" Link called after him, "What's your name?"

His teacher turned around and gave him what Link thought was a smile, but couldn't tell thanks to the face covering ninja attire.

"My name's Sheik." he said, then walked away.

"Sheik..." Link murmured to himself, staring after his new idol. He couldn't help but think that if he ever started batting for the other team, he'd want Sheik to be the pitcher.

**-(Scene change!)-**

The next day, Link woke up with a huge smile on his face. He got up, got dressed, got something to eat. He went to the Temple District, hid behind his tree, and waited for Marth who he would finally kill.

Yes. Today would be the day. Now that he was stronger nothing could stop him.

He spotted Marth rounding the corner, Roy beside him. That was fine, now that Link was super strong he could take out Marth without harming Roy.

"You're an idiot." he heard Marth say, and huffed in indignation. He was _not _an idiot.

Then he realized Marth wasn't speaking to him- didn't even know he was there- and was in fact addressing Roy.

"I know!" his brother whined, "But I really thought it was a girl! A human girl!"

"I guess you were wrong on every front." Marth muttered, "But really, how could neither of you know you were the same gender?"

Roy sounded helpless, "We just kind of assumed, you know? Plus his name was really misleading. 'Shelly' is clearly a girl's name."

"So is Ginger." Marth pointed out, then before Roy could say anything, "And yes, I know that 'ginger' was referring to your hair, but 'GingerHottie875' is just as, if not more, misleading."

"I don't think it is..." Roy mumbled, then louder, "At least we had a good time. We really hit it off. Like a bromance. I think it was because we're both redheads. We can relate, you know?"

"No." Marth said dryly, "I don't know how you can relate to a giant, villainous turtle who can breath fire and calls itself 'the Koopa King'. But if it makes you feel any better, I can rarely understand anything going through your head."

Roy sighed and ran a hand through his hair, "You just don't get me."

"I believe I just said that."

Before the conversation could continue, Link jumped out from behind his tree, blocking the brothers' path. Roy was startled. Marth was irritated.

"I've been training, Marth!" Link exclaimed, "And now you shall finally meet your end!"

Marth was silent a moment, then, "Is that it? Your speech is usually longer and more cryptic."

"Today," Link proclaimed, "I shall let my actions speak louder than my words!"

"I can't see how that'll be possible unless they use a bullhorn." Marth muttered to himself.

Link ignored the comment and started to charge.

It was when he was right in front of Marth, sword raised high over his head, that Link realized that yesterday he had been trained in pilates and hand to hand combat.

Not sword-fighting.

Link barely had time to feel regret before Marth unsheathed his sword and sent him flying into one of the trees.

By the time Link regained consciousness (everything had gone black for a minute there) Marth and Roy were walking away.

"So Bowser and I are going to a movie tonight..." Roy was saying, to which Marth was only shaking his head.

Link fought his wooziness and reached for his sword. There was still time to... still time to kill...

And the last thought that went through Link's mind before everything faded away was: _Tomorrow. I'll kill him tomorrow._

**-(Scene change again!)-**

From her living room window, Zelda watched the failed assassination attempt and snickered.

She hadn't thought it was possible, but messing with Link indirectly was even more fun than directly blasting him into oblivion.

Zelda smirked to herself as she grabbed her chain whip. Another visit to the gym, she thought, was in order.

* * *

There you have it! The second story spawned from the title. I really wanted to use that pun! I was also tempted to write a story called: The Missing Link, but that one ended up being more about Young Link. I might post it anyways, after I get the Zelda and Roy chapters out. Don't know when I will though- I'm kind of short on ideas for those two. Well, I have some, but when I try writing them they just don't flow. Anyways, thanks for reading and I'd love any reviews you can spare!

Also, I'd love some advice; Whenever I try to skip a line (you know, the 'scene changes'?) it gets cancelled and I end up with everything being combined. Does anyone know how to make the skipped line stay skipped? It's really irritating me!


	5. Chapter 5: On Link's Behalf

Hey guys! So I haven't updated in forever! Sorry about that, but this is one of those stories that I'll just update whenever I come up with a new story. Like the one below, which isn't really a story, and pretty short, but still. Just a conversation between two of my favourite characters, because I find them fun to write. Hope you enjoy it! :)

Also, I know I was going to do that "two stories per character" thing, but for now I'm scratching that idea.

* * *

In Smash Stadium, all smashers were required to participate in at least one match a month (for the fans).

Marth hated it, but it was a rule, and no one challenged Master Hand.

Now if Mewtwo was the one who had instated it...

But as it was, Master Hand was in charge, and Marth had to participate in a match that afternoon. At the moment, however, he was eating lunch in the cafeteria.

Suddenly, a binder slammed onto the table in front of him, nearly toppling his coffee. Marth almost dropped his sandwich when he saw the cup tremble.

"I have a proposition for you."

Marth blinked dazedly at the person sliding onto the bench across from him. Then he narrowed his eyes, "Whatever it is, no. Go away."

"So this is what I want you to do," Zelda went on, reaching across the table to flick open the binder, "Go through these files and pick whoever you think is best."

Marth refused to look down, "I'm not doing it. I have a match this afternoon. I'm busy."

"Busy?" Zelda snorted, "Doing what, eating?"

"Yes, actually."

Zelda frowned at him and, picking up the binder, shoved it in his face, "Then I'll just hold it up for you while you eat. Tell me when to turn the page."

"You can turn it," Marth drawled, "in fact, keep turning it until it's closed."

Zelda scowled, then smirked, "Ok."

She closed the binder and promptly smacked him on the head with it. Marth dropped his sandwich on the table and clutched his head, more out of surprise than pain.

"Zelda!" he seethed, glaring daggers at her.

Zelda grinned, "Oh look, now your hands are free. You can turn the pages yourself."

Marth, grumbling to himself, reached for his sandwich. Zelda was quicker and, upon snatching it up, took a big bite.

"Zelda!" Marth snapped again.

Zelda swallowed and examined the sandwich, "Honestly, I find this kind of weird."

"What?"

"This." Zelda waved the sandwich at him, "You eating actual food."

Marth scowled at her, "I eat."

"Coffee." Zelda added. Before Marth could reply , Zelda tapped the cover of the binder, "Read. Now. I'll give you back your lunch when you're finished."

Glowering at Zelda, Marth flipped open the binder. Seeing the pages inside for the first time, he frowned in confusion.

"Why do you have Peach's profile here?"

"Oh, not just Peach." Zelda explained, turning a couple of pages, "See, there's also Samus, and Nana, and a few others."

"Why?" Marth asked warily.

Zelda beamed at him and clapped her hands together, "Finally you ask! You see, Marth, I've collected the data of all the female smashers and compiled them into this booklet, and now I want you to read through it and pick the best one!"

Marth gave her a confused look, "Why would I do that?"

"For me of course." Zelda said, giving him a wide grin, "You have to pick the one you'd want the most as a girlfriend!"

Marth, who had of course been drinking his coffee, nearly spit the liquid out.

"Girlfriend?" Marth spluttered, "Why do you want to know who I'd-"

Zelda, who had of course been paying no attention to his words whatsoever, carried on, "But you have to pretend you're Link while you're doing it."

This made Marth pause. He raised an eyebrow, "Link?"

Zelda nodded, then rolling her eyes, "I'm sick of him following me around with those puppy dog eyes. I don't even like puppies."

And with this Marth knew that Zelda really was a monster.

"So I finally came up with a plan," Zelda went on, pointing at Marth, "Get you to pick a girl for Link on his behalf, then I can set them up and he'll finally go away!"

"And why," Marth demanded, "Would you pick _me _to choose someone for Link?"

Zelda shrugged, "You guys are always together so I figured you'd know him best..."

"That's because he's always assaulting me!" Marth yelled, quickly lowering his voices when he got some glances from other tables. "I'm not doing it." he hissed, giving Zelda a pointed glare, "He and I are complete opposites! We have absolutely nothing in common!"

"You're both guys." Zelda replied, "You're both swordsmen. You're around the same height. You've both been mistaken for girls. You both have light skin. You both-"

"Enough!" Marth tore his hands through his hair in irritation, "I mean _personality _wise!"

"Alright." Zelda said, folding her arms and giving him a cool look, "Then just pick the girl you like the least."

Marth, about to protest, halted, "What do you mean?"

"You said it yourself." Zelda explained, "You guys are opposites. So your least favourite girl is bound to be his favourite."

Trying to muster up another objection, Marth found himself failing. He couldn't find any immediate flaw in her reasoning.

"I'm still not doing it." Marth grumbled.

Zelda took another bite out of his sandwich.

Marth flipped open the binder, "Let's see..."

Zelda watched for a few minutes as Marth went over the profiles.

"Berto?" Marth exclaimed at one point, "Why do you have that thing in here?"

Zelda shrugged, "There aren't enough female smashers."

Marth shook his head to himself, "I don't know what to say. Does this thing even have a gender? I mean I know it's pink and has a bow, but still... it's so... odd."

"Dunno." Zelda replied flippantly, "I tried asking Yoshi if Berto was a girl, but he just said 'yoshi' and I'm pretty sure that's not a gender." Zelda scrunched up her nose, "At least I hope it isn't."

Still shaking his head, Marth turned the page.

"Are you sure you should have Nana in here?" he asked, coming to her profile, "She's a kid. Not to mention she already has Popo."

"Not necessarily." Zelda pointed out, "No one ever said she and Popo were a couple. They could be siblings for all we know. In fact, they could be both."

Marth shuddered.

"And she might be older than we think." Zelda went on, "Just short. Like Link. He's short."

Nodding as he turned the page, Marth paused.

"Didn't you say Link and I were around the same height?" he asked.

"Yeah."

Marth turned the page, "I'm not short."

"I never said you were."

He turned the page again, "I'm not."

"I know."

"And it's not the boots." he added, flipping another page, "Those don't add on much. But I wouldn't be short without them."

"I'm sure."

He looked at Zelda, "It's true."

"Uh-huh."

Marth scowled at her and returned his attention to the pages. Frowning in confusion, he flipped back a few.

"Zelda," Marth said, "You know you have around eight empty pages back here."

"I told you," Zelda replied, "There aren't that many female smashers."

Marth sighed.

"So have you decided?" Zelda asked eagerly.

Marth gave the binder a loathsome look, then Zelda a questioning one, "Your profile wasn't in here."

"Well duh, no. The point is to find someone _else _for Link." Zelda's eyes narrowed into a glare, "Why? You weren't going to pick _me _as your last choice, _were _you?"

Marth looked at the binder again, "So it's my least favourite out of these four then."

"Marth," Zelda hissed, "Answer my question."

"It's a really hard decision." Marth went on, ignoring Zelda, "Samus isn't that bad- as a friend- but the rest are horrible."

"_Marth_."

"But out of all of them," Marth concluded, "I think I'd have to go with Peach for Link."

Zelda blinked at him in surprise, "Really?"

Marth nodded and shoved the binder across the table, "My sandwich. Now."

"So you'd pick Berto before Peach?" Zelda asked, still stunned, "As in, you'd pick an androgynous animal over Peach. Are you a zoophile?"

Marth scowled at her, "You told me to pick one for Link-"

"And you'd pick Nana over Peach?" Zelda shook her head, "I don't think Popo will like that. A paedophile going after his girlfriend..."

Marth flushed, "I am not a paedophile, and I have no interest in Nana- or Berto- whatsoever. I just think both would be inappropriate for Link too- seeing as he's too old for Nana and, well, an elf. And there's my opinion, just like you wanted, now give me back my lunch!"

"That's no good..." Zelda muttered, half to herself, "Peach is already dating Mario..."

Marth threw up his hands in frustration, "Then why did you even put her on the list?"

"Because-" Zelda started.

"And don't say 'because there's not enough female smashers'!" Marth snapped.

Zelda fell silent, then she took another bite of his sandwich.

Marth ran his hands through his hair, "_Zelda_."

Tossing the sandwich over, Zelda reached for her binder and got up, "Thanks for wasting my time."

Marth gawked at her, "_Me _wasting _your _time?"

"Oh," Zelda added, before she walked away, "And you are short. Boots included."

Marth glared at her back until she'd left the cafeteria. Then he turned back to his sandwich.

There was only the edge of the crust left.

"_Zelda_." Marth growled, for what seemed like the fifth time (but was actually the forth).

Letting out a long, agitated sigh, he picked up his coffee.

It was cold.

* * *

Thanks for reading, and feel free to comment! (And thanks a ton to those of you who have!) :D


End file.
